Archive for February, 2012

No, this isn’t one of those eHow articles that’s seemingly written for an alien pretending to be a human person (like “How to Buy a Six-Pack of Beer,” which advises “Refrain from over-thinking this process”). We assume you know the basics of using the New York City transit system. These are ten rules for riding the subway the right way, from Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx all the way to the Rockaways.

1. Don’t lean on the pole. Don’t hug it. Don’t frolic around it with ribbons like it’s a maypole.
2. If you’re running for a train and the doors are about to close, don’t stick your hand in there. You’re making everyone late. And you could get stuck, because subway doors don’t spring open automatically like elevator doors.
3. The emergency brake stops the train. You should pull it: if someone is stuck in the subway doors. You should not pull it: any other time.
4. Don’t watch a movie on your laptop with no headphones on.
5. Don’t bring a giant hiking backpack on the subway. If you must, place it on the floor between your feet.
6. Wear pants.
7. Don’t take up two seats for any reason.
8. Don’t groom yourself or anyone else.
9. Don’t do anything that would make a good YouTube video.
10. Hold your head high! According to Newt Gingrich, subway riders are the elite.